You'd change me
How much
I'd grow and learn
How much
I needed you
I didn't realize
My heart could feel so swollen
How much
My heart could experience such longing
How much
My heart would ache
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Monday, September 4, 2017
Gratitude
Recently, I've had many of what I like to call moments of gratitude. In these moments something happens to me both physically and mentally...a wave of elation travels through my body like a momentary high and I can't help but feel completely satisfied and content in myself and all that surrounds me. These moments tend to happen when I'm most aware of myself...of my circumstances, thoughts, trials, and fortunes. In particular, I feel the 'moment' happens when I'm able to see the good in it all.
It's not always easy to see the good when trial and misfortune arise, especially in the moment. But in those periods of turmoil I try to think of the lesson to be learned, the opportunity for growth. For me, my struggles have almost always led to a deeper understanding of myself and of a strength I didn't realize I had.
Our struggles and how we perceive them add to our character and enhance the best parts of who we are. My advice is to try to see struggles as opportunities and be grateful for those opportunities. Gratitude equals happiness.
Saturday, August 26, 2017
Blame Game and Personal Awareness
I believe our experiences as children shape the adults we become; it's why healthy/good parenting is so important. How we perceive life, how we love, how we cope, are learned from early life experiences.
I think it's easy to condemn our parents for how we "turned out", specifically for the unfavorable qualities we exhibit. What's not so easy to remember is that our parents are only human themselves, parenting and living out their lives based on what they've learned from their own early life experiences. That's not to say that our parents are always justified or exempt in how they parented, but their personal predispositions make their doings more understandable.
Personal awareness is paramount here and not easy to come by. It takes looking inward and possibly confronting certain thoughts, feelings, or traits that are uncomfortable to manage or acknowledge. Once we are aware, it becomes easier to counteract those negative effects that come from poor childhood experiences.
Personally, I'm a huge proponent for individual therapy. I also find mindfulness and self-reflection useful tools. It's why I started this blog in the first place 🙂
So instead of blaming anyone for how I am or how I turned out, I choose to be thankful for the opportunities to grow, learn, persevere, and make myself that much better!
Sunday, August 20, 2017
Self Reliance
Do we need a romantic life partner to be happy and fulfilled? For many, finding a partner is a pertinent life goal. Afterall, it's engrained in us. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage... But is this what life equates to? I don't mean to diminish the significance of these life feats as I know just how meaningful they can be. However, with age, personal experience, and the experiences of others, I'm starting to question its authority.
I have a friend who's been single for over 15 years. She was previously married, had 4 kids who are all grown now, and is very happy being single. I asked her if she ever gets lonely...I loved her response. She said, "well, not really. I get joy and happiness out of my relationships with my kids and grandkids and by being a prominent part of their lives. I can spoil them without getting questioned by a partner. I can do what I want and when I want and that is how I choose to live. And I don't have to do anyone else's laundry!" We both shared a laugh at that!
Aside from the inevitable and trivial happenings in relationships as my friend mentioned, there are other expectations that arise when we are in a life long relationship. We expect our partners to meet all our emotional and physical needs...Is that realistic? Is it reasonable to assume you can meet theirs? Is it sensible to think that the desire you share for each other will have an infinite shelf life...that you'll never desire another? These are just a few questions I often contemplate....
What I love about my friend's story is that her happiness doesn't depend on someone else. She's self reliant in her own happiness. We shouldn't rely on anyone else to make us happy or fulfilled. It starts with us. (I know...I say this a lot. But it is so true...in all things!) While this realization is helpful for my own personal self awareness, it's still difficult to adapt. My heart, my mind, and my own personal desires are often at odds.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Fuck Apologies?
I recently started personal training sessions at my works gym facility. Last week was the first session with Jennifer, my fitness instructor. Before delving in, we talked of my fitness goals and the frequency with which I was going to see her; from that, we developed somewhat of a training plan. We also exchanged pleasantries, to which she inquired if 1) I was easily offended and 2) If I was bothered by swearing (I knew we would get along just fine!).
About 20 minutes into the session, on the third set of the 5 exercise HIIT sequence she assigned me, I forgot one of the exercises. So, naturally, I apologized. She stops me to say, "if you apologize to me again, I will make you do 10 push-ups." (My inner speech cries out, "I'm sorry, what was that again??!!")
She explained to me that in her experience as a fitness instructor, many of her female clients often apologize to her for actions that don't warrant an apology...just as I did.
It's funny; I don't recall how many times I apologized to her in the course of 20 minutes but, it was enough for her to pull the "apology push-up" card!
After the session, as I'm walking to my car, I thought about the conversation we exchanged (I also thought about how sore I was going to be the next 2 days!). It piqued my interest and I wanted to learn more; so, I read a few articles and took the opportunity to look inward, as it was apparent that I, too, suffered the same affliction.
Could it be a natural reflection of low self-esteem? Is it ones need to please and placate others? Is it that our perception of an event (that may or may not vindicate an apology) is vastly different than our male counterparts? Or is it just a learned response of politness?
In my opinion, I think the answer(s) differs greatly female to female. It's necessary to take in consideration social norms (past and present), developmental upbringing, gender stereotypes, etc. For example, women, in general, are expected to be empathetic and men are expected to be assertive. So it may be fair to say that women are more concerned about others emotional expereince in conversation than men, which would explain the need to placate or apologize.
Whatever the reason or reasons that we apologize more frequently than men, I don't think it's a bad thing (unless it's overly excessive). However, I will definitely refrain from doing so in my personal training sessions!
About 20 minutes into the session, on the third set of the 5 exercise HIIT sequence she assigned me, I forgot one of the exercises. So, naturally, I apologized. She stops me to say, "if you apologize to me again, I will make you do 10 push-ups." (My inner speech cries out, "I'm sorry, what was that again??!!")
She explained to me that in her experience as a fitness instructor, many of her female clients often apologize to her for actions that don't warrant an apology...just as I did.
It's funny; I don't recall how many times I apologized to her in the course of 20 minutes but, it was enough for her to pull the "apology push-up" card!
After the session, as I'm walking to my car, I thought about the conversation we exchanged (I also thought about how sore I was going to be the next 2 days!). It piqued my interest and I wanted to learn more; so, I read a few articles and took the opportunity to look inward, as it was apparent that I, too, suffered the same affliction.
Could it be a natural reflection of low self-esteem? Is it ones need to please and placate others? Is it that our perception of an event (that may or may not vindicate an apology) is vastly different than our male counterparts? Or is it just a learned response of politness?
In my opinion, I think the answer(s) differs greatly female to female. It's necessary to take in consideration social norms (past and present), developmental upbringing, gender stereotypes, etc. For example, women, in general, are expected to be empathetic and men are expected to be assertive. So it may be fair to say that women are more concerned about others emotional expereince in conversation than men, which would explain the need to placate or apologize.
Whatever the reason or reasons that we apologize more frequently than men, I don't think it's a bad thing (unless it's overly excessive). However, I will definitely refrain from doing so in my personal training sessions!
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Words To Live By
A few years ago, I came across an excerpt that resonated with me:
-No one is going to love you exactly like you imagine. No one is ever going to read your mind and take every star from the sky at the perfect time and hand it to you. No one is ever going to show up at your door on a horse, with a shoe you lost. Do you understand? That’s why you have to love yourself enough, so that any other love just adds more candles to the cake you’ve already iced.-
After reading and re-reading these words, I immediately saved the excerpt to my desktop and labeled it "Words To Live By".
I feel its message mirrors that of the popular aphorism, "You must love yourself before others can love you". But what does this adage mean? What does it mean to love yourself?
For me, it's one word - confidence. Confidence in the choices I choose to make. Confidence in knowing that I am loved and lovable. Confidence in my strength to overcome struggle and strife. Confidence in knowing that I am enough.
If you don't feel as though you are enough for yourself, nothing anyone else does will be enough either. It starts with you.
Confidence is something I struggle to find, often. It's not always there but it's always available. Exersising self care, physically and mentally, and educating myself have been tremendous aids in accessing the confidence I know I have.
-No one is going to love you exactly like you imagine. No one is ever going to read your mind and take every star from the sky at the perfect time and hand it to you. No one is ever going to show up at your door on a horse, with a shoe you lost. Do you understand? That’s why you have to love yourself enough, so that any other love just adds more candles to the cake you’ve already iced.-
After reading and re-reading these words, I immediately saved the excerpt to my desktop and labeled it "Words To Live By".
I feel its message mirrors that of the popular aphorism, "You must love yourself before others can love you". But what does this adage mean? What does it mean to love yourself?
For me, it's one word - confidence. Confidence in the choices I choose to make. Confidence in knowing that I am loved and lovable. Confidence in my strength to overcome struggle and strife. Confidence in knowing that I am enough.
If you don't feel as though you are enough for yourself, nothing anyone else does will be enough either. It starts with you.
Confidence is something I struggle to find, often. It's not always there but it's always available. Exersising self care, physically and mentally, and educating myself have been tremendous aids in accessing the confidence I know I have.
Monday, July 24, 2017
"He's Just Not That In To You"
I watched the movie, "He's Just Not That In To You" while on my way to LA for a family reunion. The movie itself was less than remarkable but, I found it to be amusing, enjoyable and also, contemplative. It depicts just how complex relationships can be by trailing the love lives of several different characters.
Human relationships/connections, in general, fascinate me. I find myself drawn to movies, books, and articles that emphasize the complexities and wonderment of romantic relationships. If you haven't already guessed it, yes... I'm a romantic; though, it may not always be apparent as my musings often tend to be a bit cynical.
In the movie just mentioned, there are several themes that caught my attention. In particular, I became curious about the idea of the "exception to the rule", but not in the same sense that the movie portrayed. The movie used the "exception to the rule" to justify an action (or non-action), that would otherwise be considered a dating rebuff, as a dating success. I, however, took the idea of "exception" in referring to a person, rather than an action, in a relationship. The notion that there is one perfect person that you ought to be with, that person who makes you feel that there is nothing left to be desired in the world, that person who makes you act and feel in ways you normally wouldn't...that person is the exception...right?
I think we all want to feel that way; that we are that special somebody to and for someone else; that we are the "exception".
Human relationships/connections, in general, fascinate me. I find myself drawn to movies, books, and articles that emphasize the complexities and wonderment of romantic relationships. If you haven't already guessed it, yes... I'm a romantic; though, it may not always be apparent as my musings often tend to be a bit cynical.
In the movie just mentioned, there are several themes that caught my attention. In particular, I became curious about the idea of the "exception to the rule", but not in the same sense that the movie portrayed. The movie used the "exception to the rule" to justify an action (or non-action), that would otherwise be considered a dating rebuff, as a dating success. I, however, took the idea of "exception" in referring to a person, rather than an action, in a relationship. The notion that there is one perfect person that you ought to be with, that person who makes you feel that there is nothing left to be desired in the world, that person who makes you act and feel in ways you normally wouldn't...that person is the exception...right?
I think we all want to feel that way; that we are that special somebody to and for someone else; that we are the "exception".
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