Fuck Apologies?

I recently started personal training sessions at my works gym facility.  Last week was the first session with Jennifer, my fitness instructor.  Before delving in, we talked of my fitness goals and the frequency with which I was going to see her; from that, we developed somewhat of a training plan.  We also exchanged pleasantries, to which she inquired if 1) I was easily offended and 2) If I was bothered by swearing (I knew we would get along just fine!).

About 20 minutes into the session, on the third set of the 5 exercise HIIT sequence she assigned me, I forgot one of the exercises.  So, naturally, I apologized.  She stops me to say, "if you apologize to me again, I will make you do 10 push-ups."  (My inner speech cries out, "I'm sorry, what was that again??!!")

She explained to me that in her experience as a fitness instructor, many of her female clients often apologize to her for actions that don't warrant an apology...just as I did.

It's funny; I don't recall how many times I apologized to her in the course of 20 minutes but, it was enough for her to pull the "apology push-up" card!

After the session, as I'm walking to my car, I thought about the conversation we exchanged (I also thought about how sore I was going to be the next 2 days!).  It piqued my interest and I wanted to learn more; so, I read a few articles and took the opportunity to look inward, as it was apparent that I, too, suffered the same affliction.

Could it be a natural reflection of low self-esteem? Is it ones need to please and placate others?  Is it that our perception of an event (that may or may not vindicate an apology) is vastly different than our male counterparts?  Or is it just a learned response of politness?

In my opinion, I think the answer(s) differs greatly female to female.  It's necessary to take in consideration social norms (past and present), developmental upbringing, gender stereotypes, etc. For example, women, in general, are expected to be empathetic and men are expected to be assertive.  So it may be fair to say that women are more concerned about others emotional expereince in conversation than men, which would explain the need to placate or apologize.

Whatever the reason or reasons that we apologize more frequently than men, I don't think it's a bad thing (unless it's overly excessive).  However, I will definitely refrain from doing so in my personal training sessions!

Words To Live By

A few years ago, I came across an excerpt that resonated with me:

-No one is going to love you exactly like you imagine. No one is ever going to read your mind and take every star from the sky at the perfect time and hand it to you. No one is ever going to show up at your door on a horse, with a shoe you lost. Do you understand? That’s why you have to love yourself enough, so that any other love just adds more candles to the cake you’ve already iced.-

After reading and re-reading these words, I immediately saved the excerpt to my desktop and labeled it "Words To Live By".   

I feel its message mirrors that of the popular aphorism, "You must love yourself before others can love you".  But what does this adage mean?  What does it mean to love yourself?  

For me, it's one word - confidence.  Confidence in the choices I choose to make.  Confidence in knowing that I am loved and lovable. Confidence in my strength to overcome struggle and strife. Confidence in knowing that I am enough.  

If you don't feel as though you are enough for yourself, nothing anyone else does will be enough either.  It starts with you.

Confidence is something I struggle to find, often.  It's not always there but it's always available. Exersising self care, physically and mentally, and educating myself have been tremendous aids in accessing the confidence I know I have.    

"He's Just Not That In To You"

I watched the movie, "He's Just Not That In To You" while on my way to LA for a family reunion. The movie itself was less than remarkable but, I found it to be amusing, enjoyable and also, contemplative.  It depicts just how complex relationships can be by trailing the love lives of several different characters.

Human relationships/connections, in general, fascinate me. I find myself drawn to movies, books, and articles that emphasize the complexities and wonderment of romantic relationships. If you haven't already guessed it, yes... I'm a romantic; though, it may not always be apparent as my musings often tend to be a bit cynical.

In the movie just mentioned, there are several themes that caught my attention.  In particular, I became curious about the idea of the "exception to the rule", but not in the same sense that the movie portrayed.  The movie used the "exception to the rule" to justify an action (or non-action), that would otherwise be considered a dating rebuff, as a dating success.  I, however, took the idea of "exception" in referring to a person, rather than an action, in a relationship. The notion that there is one perfect person that you ought to be with, that person who makes you feel that there is nothing left to be desired in the world, that person who makes you act and feel in ways you normally wouldn't...that person is the exception...right?

I think we all want to feel that way; that we are that special somebody to and for someone else; that we are the "exception".