Blame Game and Personal Awareness

I believe our experiences as children shape the adults we become; it's why healthy/good parenting is so important. How we perceive life, how we love, how we cope, are learned from early life experiences.

I think it's easy to condemn our parents for how we "turned out", specifically for the unfavorable qualities we exhibit. What's not so easy to remember is that our parents are only human themselves, parenting and living out their lives based on what they've learned from their own early life experiences.  That's not to say that our parents are always justified or exempt in how they parented, but their personal predispositions make their doings more understandable.

Personal awareness is paramount here and not easy to come by.  It takes looking inward and possibly confronting certain thoughts, feelings, or traits that are uncomfortable to manage or acknowledge. Once we are aware, it becomes easier to counteract those negative effects that come from poor childhood experiences. 

Personally, I'm a huge proponent for individual therapy. I also find mindfulness and self-reflection useful tools.  It's why I started this blog in the first place 🙂

So instead of blaming anyone for how I am or how I turned out, I choose to be thankful for the opportunities to grow, learn, persevere, and make myself that much better!

Self Reliance

Do we need a romantic life partner to be happy and fulfilled? For many, finding a partner is a pertinent life goal.  Afterall, it's engrained in us.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage... But is this what life equates to? I don't mean to diminish the significance of these life feats as I know just how meaningful they can be. However, with age, personal experience, and the experiences of others, I'm starting to question its authority.

I have a friend who's been single for over 15 years. She was previously married, had 4 kids who are all grown now, and is very happy being single. I asked her if she ever gets lonely...I loved her response. She said, "well, not really. I get joy and happiness out of my relationships with my kids and grandkids and by being a prominent part of their lives. I can spoil them without getting questioned by a partner.  I can do what I want and when I want and that is how I choose to live.  And I don't have to do anyone else's laundry!"  We both shared a laugh at that!

Aside from the inevitable and trivial happenings in relationships as my friend mentioned, there are other expectations that arise when we are in a life long relationship.  We expect our partners to meet all our emotional and physical needs...Is that realistic? Is it reasonable to assume you can meet theirs?  Is it sensible to think that the desire you share for each other will have an infinite shelf life...that you'll never desire another? These are just a few questions I often contemplate....

What I love about my friend's story is that her happiness doesn't depend on someone else. She's self reliant in her own happiness.  We shouldn't rely on anyone else to make us happy or fulfilled. It starts with us. (I know...I say this a lot. But it is so true...in all things!) While this realization is helpful for my own personal self awareness, it's still difficult to adapt.  My heart, my mind, and my own personal desires are often at odds.